It may please you to know that I very nearly wrote an introductory post just so I could call it ‘What a Do, Bitches?’ but I had to stop myself because I don’t know you and you don’t know me and I’d like to wait until at least the third post before things start getting too familiar.
So, instead: we all realize, on some level, that writers must write often. But sometimes we just don’t feel like it and we must search within ourselves to find someway to justify this usually lazy-fueled procrastination. Well, search no more.
1. You haven’t eaten in at least two hours
It’s a familiar story. You’ve got to have some fuel in your to get your brain working, but lunch was just so long ago. And – what’s this! You’ve run out of snack food! Now you have to eat a whole sandwich. And any writer will tell you you simply can’t write with a stomach all full of food! You’ll just be too tired! So grab a sandwich, wait it out for a couple of hours and –
Oh no! You haven’t eaten for two hours and you’re out of snack food!
2. Your cat is sleepy
Look, cats are in charge of the household and there’s nothing you can do about it. Just look at it, so cozy. You can’t move the cat. You just can’t. I don’t make the rules.
3. You have to go outside and talk to people
You’ll only be out there for fifteen minutes, tops, but it’ll take you three whole days to recover.
4. You and your muse had a bit of a falling out
You’d think immortal sources of knowledge would be a little bit more mature. But, alas, no. She accuses you of relying too heavily on her, insisting she’s doing all the work. Well, where’s your arthritis, Susan? Your back pain and eye strain? Where are your documents filled with hundreds of pages of actual crap? Where’s all your shitty emo poetry, Susan? Fight me, Susan.
She won’t have it, and she’s gone and disappeared. You don’t know when she’s coming back. Your cat’s stolen your laptop. Your life is falling apart.
5. You are dead
All things considered, with Susan gone and the cat having taken ownership of your laptop, the apocalypse could not have come at a better time.
What is your favorite excuse for not writing? Share it in the comments below!